Hey there, friend!

If you didn’t already know, I love The Sims. It is my favorite hyper-fixation to fall into every few months. After crawling out of my latest Sims spiral, I noticed a pattern in the game that resonated with a topic I’ve been meaning to write about — perfectionism. (I’m going to have to explain the game a bit for this to make sense but stick with me here.)

When you’re creating your Sim, you get to pick character traits that loosely dictate their personality, skills, and goals. One of the traits I usually choose for my Sims is the ‘Perfectionist’ trait. For the way I play the game, this trait always made sense. But it comes with a warning — if your Sim creates a product/book/painting/meal/etc. that isn’t perfect, they’ll become embarrassed or frustrated. Those negative emotions carry with your Sim for days, which can make it difficult for them to take care of themselves, be motivated for other tasks, or return to the activity they ‘failed’ at in the first place.

Did that resonate with you as much as it did with me?

Because when I first asked myself if it was worth it, to pick this trait for my Sim knowing how negatively it can affect their life, it hit me.

Is it worth it to live a life so focused on trying to be perfect? Is it worth it to spend so much time trying to avoid any mistake of any size? Is it worth it to avoid living your life to the fullest because you don’t want to become embarrassed or frustrated with yourself?

Obviously, I’m not talking about my Sim at this point. But if perfectionism can ruin the life of a fake, virtual person, living in an idealized society without mental illness, tragedy, or true humanity, what will it do to us?

I know perfectionist tendencies aren’t necessarily a choice, but I hope today’s recipe helps you rethink your own habits.

Sending love,

Emily

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The Recipe Breakdown

Lemon: Perfectionism.

Ingredient #1: 80/20 Method. The 80/20 theory is a bit controversial, but it made sense to bring it up here. Based on a UN report from the ‘90s, it basically states that if you put 80% effort into 20% of your work, that top-notch work will lead to 80% of your gains. The remaining 80% of your work you don’t need to do at such a high-performance level because it only makes up 20% of your gains. This theory makes the most sense in terms of self-employment, but it’s interesting to think about. Instead of trying to force perfection on every single project, consider putting your best into the top 20% of your work, instead.

Ingredient #2: Create freely. I’ve never identified as an artistic or creative person, although I find so much joy in those categories. But I would quit habits or not start projects in the fear of my cross-stitch or painting looking ‘bad'.’ In an effort to push myself out of my self-created box, I joined my union’s Merch Committee — and volunteered to help design merch. I am not good at this. My sticker designs usually need to go through at least two rounds of edits before it either get scrapped or passed onto an actual designer. But there is freedom in knowing that I’m in an environment where I can play around on Canva for an hour, design my silly little sticker ideas, and share them with others without fear of their feedback. Do you have a community or way to create freely?

Ingredient #3: Lean into mediocrity. It is extremely difficult to think of myself as ‘average,’ whether that’s at my job, in volunteer settings, or just living life. I often find myself stressing about not being friendly enough at the coffee shop, or not being on the stair stepper long enough at the gym (what is long enough? I literally don’t know because this is a fake standard I have designed in my head based on the vibes of the gym that day). If I don’t get a shoutout or receive positive praise at work in a couple of weeks, I can get way too in my head about whether I should even be in this field if I’m not going to be “the best.” When I don’t get picked to be a leader among volunteer groups, even when I don’t have the time to be a good leader with that group, I question whether I should even consider volunteering. I recognize all of this is toxic perfectionist thinking. But in the moment, it all feels way too real. All of this, of course, leads to total burnout.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to lean into mediocrity and break from these impossible standards I set for myself. What does this look like in practice? Not applying to be on the board of every organization I volunteer with or support. Not forcing a volunteer shift into a schedule that will set me up for a stressful day. Saying no to new leadership opportunities. Delegating out work that I don’t have the capacity for. Setting clear boundaries with work so I am not carrying my laptop with me all weekend (to be clear, my job has never asked me to do this, it is my own desperate need to be “the best” that makes me do this). This all has been really hard for me. It gives me major FOMO. But I know it’s the right thing to do for my own sanity, so I will keep trying to accept mediocrity and the beauty that comes with it.

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🍋 Lemon Zest 🍋

The Little Things that help make my days a bit brighter 💕

💪 I’m currently on week three of the obé Fitness 5K training plan, and my hamstrings are DEAD. But I love the variety of classes they offer. Here’s a free 30 day guess pass, if you want to try it out.

📝 The Dailee 2023-2024 Planner just sold out, but if I were you, I would sign up to be notified for the 2024 Daily Planner. This planner has been an absolute lifesaver for me over the past few busy weeks.

💭 The long-read I’m chewing on this week: America’s Surprising Partisan Divide on Life Expectancy.

💛 I’ll soon be completing my Holistic Women’s Health Coaching courses and will hopefully be taking on clients early 2024. Interested in learning more? Reply to this email or send me a DM!

Want to talk about your own lemons, ingredients, or lemonade recipes? Feel free to reply to this email!